I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
