Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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