Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
