How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
