You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
