just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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