this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
