there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
