I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
