I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
