Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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