I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
