when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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