If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
