Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
