I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
