i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
