I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
