WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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