...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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