shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
