Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
