you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
