a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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