I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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