Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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