We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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