remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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