i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
