I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
