some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
