OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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