We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
