Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
