they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
