I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
