There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
