At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
