i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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