what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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