How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
