she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
