He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
