I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
