Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
