No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
