People with herpes should wear stickers.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
