also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
