The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
