C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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