when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
