Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
