last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
